While in truth negotiating skills are gained and refined over a lifetime and the possible tactics would (and do) take up many books’ worth of pages, there are certain basics we can cover here. Following are some of the more important keys to successful negotiating – those which leave you with a) what you want, b) happiness, satisfaction and integrity.

One major concept in negotiating is win/win. As author Stephen Covey tells us in his brilliant book ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,’ ‘Win/win is not a technique; it’s a total philosophy of human interaction.’ Wanting everyone to ‘win’ at the negotiation table means thinking in terms of higher solutions. It’s not selfish and not unselfish – it’s holistic. It means creating solutions which work in everyone’s best interest – no caving in for anyone and no walking away feeling used or abused. Many, many people fall to one side or the other because of self-esteem or other issues. For instance, many people either get bossy or manipulative in relationships to get their way, and others allow things to happen that are not good for them because they don’t have the nerve or the confidence to speak up. This happens of course not just in personal relationships but those of all sorts – interactions with people at work, people trying to sell or convince us of something and more.

Another important caveat is to know your desired outcome and what you will and will not be flexible about. This means being clear about you want before you begin conversations, and at the same remaining open for optimum, alternate solutions. All good negotiations require openness and give and take, and you must be prepared to make some concessions, or ideally to propose new solutions where no one has to make concessions. If everyone is working on genuinely creative and positive solutions, often new, unexpected outcomes will occur that are even better than anticipated. As mentioned, however, be clear about what you are after going in, and don’t be willing to settle for less; different and possibly better, yes – less, NO.

One last tip is to know as much as you can about the ‘other’ side before beginning. Try and learn what you can about the person or party with whom you’ll be negotiating so you can empathize with what their concerns are. Understanding the perspective of the other party also helps you handle emotional reactions on both sides with care and more patience than you otherwise would. There may be something of deep concern to them that, if addressed, could make everything go smoothly. This thing may not even be a big deal for you at all, but knowing that it is to them can make all the difference in how you approach things – it may even save the day!

Instead, we need to trust. Trust that the way has already been paved, not only by the Universe but by people who have gone ahead of us and can show us the way. If you meet a mentor, listen – really listen. Truly successful people are almost always thrilled to help someone just starting out, whatever the niche or category. Want to run a marathon? Find a veteran and ask intelligent questions. Considering starting a business? Find someone whose business model you admire and learn what you can from it.

Successful people will also invariably tell you that they themselves couldn’t have done it without their own mentors along the way. Even if you want to do something totally different than anyone has ever tried before, success itself leaves clues and many successful potential mentors will have wise words for you.

Life is too short to go it on your own and learn everything the hard way…you won’t learn nearly enough lessons nor climb enough mountains that way! Follow the clues that success leaves and move faster, more powerfully and with greater ease and many more triumphs.

Decide what you want and behave accordingly

You won’t get anywhere at any company by standing around the water cooler complaining about the boss or the company. No one with ‘herd’ mentality ever shines or rises above the crowd, and you’ll need to move away from the herd if you want to do well. This does not mean you need to alienate your co-workers; to the contrary they can make things difficult for you if you do. It means you do not participate in any gossip or bashing, and you simply concentrate on working wisely. If you want to move up within your company, you need to clearly indicate this with your actions and work ethic.

Make an effort to understand your boss and deliver what is needed. Help your boss out in the ways which mean the most to him or her – this is crucial and means you need to be observant and thoughtful. You do not wish to alienate your boss either by outshining them to their own superiors, although this may seem like a good idea at first. You want to be seen as entirely dependable – the one to go to when someone wants a good job done. You want management to know that you understand their issues and that you work at their level of intellect and corporate awareness. Learn as much as you can about how your company works, and don’t just be someone who comes in and does the minimum each day and then goes home. If you want to be management, you need to think like management.

Dress with care

One of the biggest career killers is inappropriate dress. Have you ever seen the show What Not to Wear? Whether you like it or hate it, there is a smart career message in the show that you can take to heart. Often the chosen makeover subject will work for a company and they’ll interview the boss who says something like ‘I really like so and so and she does terrific work. Unfortunately, with the way she dresses I cannot promote her nor can I put her in front of customers because I’m worried about what they might think.’ Sometimes these bosses have tried, tactfully, to mention the dress issue to the employee and other times they have not. In either case people seem to be clueless that they are dressing inappropriately at work, and more importantly that it’s holding them back. As a rule, people tend to dress too casually, but take note: this is a huge career killer. Sure, people should appreciate you for who you are and the work you do, but that is not how the work world works. Even in the most casual of environments, business casual would be appropriate.

Remember that you don’t know what you don’t know – get a good book on dressing for career success and read it. Adjust accordingly. Believe me, the powers that be will notice. You will be showing respect for yourself, your company and your job, and it doesn’t matter what size the company is. Even someone who wears a uniform can do so with pride – clean shoes, hair and nails, washed and pressed uniform – and there’s always something you can improve. It could be the one thing holding oyu back from being noticed (in a positive way)!

Would this child have been so happy if her parent had
not been there taking the picture?

There are scores of books which tell us to be careful and not to climb the ladder up the wrong tree, so to speak, only to find out we’ve been striving for success in all the wrong places – like the classic tale of the man who works so hard for his family that one day he finds his family has left…

Do we really need days such as Father’s Day and Mother’s Day to ensure we remember to spend time with our parents and tell them we love and appreciate them? Do we need an illness or death of a loved one to remind us to slow down, appreciate today and focus on what matters?

Some might say the answer is yes, but you’ll find it doesn’t take a lot of change to see results in this area – just a little forethought. Just as you should work ON your business or job as well as IN it, so too should you take time to think about what’s important to you and be sure to schedule it in, if you have to.

Some suggestions:

Commit to spending some time in the next week in contemplation. With A pen and paper, write down everything that’s important to you, and read between the lines. For instance, if you wrote ‘Playing with my kids while they’re still young enough to want to play,’this involves not only setting aside time or arranging your life so that you can play with them, but also implies that you remain healthy and vibrant ie. take care of yourself. Often just consciously thinking about things in this way will be enough for you to see glaring gaps in where you’d like to be spending your time vs. where you have been.

As Stephen Covey suggests, it is wise to ‘think from the end.’ This means giving some thought to a) what you might like said about you after you’re gone, and equally important, b) to what you might think when you look back at the end of it. Might you have regrets? Will they be about things you did not try and people you did not hug, or business calls you didn’t make? Probably the former. Facing our mortality in this way is empowering, and gives us a little jolt, reminding us that our days are finite here and that we would be wise to use them well.

HERE is a company that gets this, and uses it in their advertising. Take a good look and wait for the few slides that come along…it’s a good reminder if you have kids.

Jim Rohn tells us that we all must deal with one of two pains: the pain of discipline (doing the little things that count) or the pain of regret. You might not think of the word discipline when considering what’s important to you, but you’ll find at first that it may take discipline to change your habits – to make sure you DO the little things that add up to healthy, love-filled, life well lived.

We all realize this as soon as we get out of the cocoon of school and into the world of adults and employment, but somehow no one ever manages to change the system that causes this ignorance. Imagine a world in which all kids, as a matter of course, learned skills in subjects such as:

• Interpersonal relations
• Goal and priority setting
• Time/task management
• Thinking from different perspectives, including others’
• Debating any subject with empathy
• Money 101 – how it works and how to make it work for you, financial planning
• Considering consequences and outcomes
• How to handle a job interview
• Public speaking
• Using your strengths
• Effective negotiation (win/win)
• Confidence and self-esteem building
• How to persevere through challenges
• Learning from mistakes attempts

You get the idea! The very skills we need as adults are sorely lacking in most of us – not because we are incapable, but because we have never been exposed to the skillsets and mindsets involved. This is why personal and professional development ‘gurus’ do so well: they show people how to feel better, perform better, and get the results they are looking for.

While this is a vast subject and can be discussed at length (and studied and applied for a lifetime), here are our top 10 tips for creating an unstoppable, success-oriented mindset, which we feel everyone would benefit from.

1. Immerse yourself – Subscribe to empowering, success-oriented magazines such as the new Success and Attitude Digest
2. Read - and read more! Your local bookstore and libraries are full of books to assist you in developing an empowering, unstoppable mindset. Feed your mind with powerful thoughts, learn from the stories of others, and get inspired to feel like you, too, are capable of achieving your goals and dreams – because you ARE! If you’re ready for a kick-butt appraoch, try books by Larry Winget and Randy Gage.
3. Mentors – Successful people not only leave clues, they also very often wish to share their success secrets with others. This is a symptom of success – to become successful, you must develop certain character traits, such as empathy, generosity, the power of thinking big, etc.. In turn, these personality traits lead most very successful people to want to help others achieve their dreams also. Shorten your learning curve and be inspired by reading the works of mentors you admire. Some suggestion include: Jim Rohn and Anthony Robbins.
4. Make commuting count - Last century’s pioneers in the field of personal development came up with the concept of the ‘university in your car,’ encouraging ambitious people to turn brain-dead time into productive time by listening to tapes (or more recently CD’s and mp3′s). Josh Kaufmancalls it getting a personal mba, and many, many successful people will agree that they learned more by doing this than by attending university. You can learn another language, receive inspiring messages or take lessons in any desired subject by listening to audios instead of your car radio. The same trick can be applied to any commute, of course, or even your daily outdoor walk or treadmill run. Try the many empowering and intelligent audios by internationally renowned business mentor personal Brian Tracy.
5. Bounce – This is a little-shared secret which works wonders for your attitude on a down-and-dirty, daily basis. It helps you in the thick of things, when your ‘normal’ reactions would usually take over. The principle is, decide ahead of time to bounce, not break.This means that you make a conscious decision that when things get tough – meaning you experience disappointment, setbacks or other challenges – you will roll with it. You HAVE DECIDED that you will always bounce back, no matter what. This gives you a feeling of strength and resiliency to rely on in the moment, and an overall sense of your ability and commitment to persist and be flexible in the face of daily challenges, big and small.
6. Know what you want - As the saying goes, you can’t hit your target if you haven’t defined it. The older you grow, the more you realize that life is indeed short, and that every moment counts. If your moments are not spent doing things you love and/or working towards things and circumstances you want, then they can be better utilized. If you want to develop the the sense of urgency required to motivate you to define and go after your dreams, you may enjoy reading the article Patience: Virtue or Trap? You may also enjoy books such as The Power of Focusby Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen and Les Hewitt.
7. Fail and fail some more – then keep moving. IBM founder Thomas Watson is credited with saying “If you want to succeed faster, double your rate of failure.”What brilliant advice! That kids are taught in school to avoid rather than encourage ‘mistakes’ is a travesty. Humans learn best by doing, and attempting things to see what works and what doesn’t is the very foundation of success. It is those who shed the fear of trying things and failing who rise above the everyday and acheive phenomenal success. Picture yourself as a scientist or explorer, trying new things, keeping what works in your lab/repertoire, and forging on in search of new discoveries. Step outside your comfort zone and embrace failure – and you’ll discover there is no such thing! View your life as a big, fun test, and keep trying things out, and on, until you find that special, magic combination of things which feels ‘just right’ for you. The faster you ‘fail,’ the faster you will succeed!
8. Focus on what’s working – This means do not dwell on frustrations or what you feel isn’t working in your life. This will only attract more of the same – frustration and things seeming not to work. Instead, always, always focus on how you want things to be, so your mind can come up with ways to make it so. This is the Law of Attraction in action – we get what we think about, and what we focus on expands. Ask yourself questions and your subconscious mind/the Universe/your higher self will always attempt to give you answers. Ask ‘Why do things never work out for me?’ – get an answer. Ask ‘How can I do an even better job at this and make my customers even happier so they’ll pass my name along in excitement?’ and get an entirely different answer! The choice is yours.
9. Use your strengths – Another concept learned in most modern school systems which does nothing to empower children to future success is the ‘work on your weaknesses’ philosophy. Instead of defining and refining our strengths (ask any successful entrepreneur how well this works), every class is homogenized – easier for teachers, no doubt, but not helpful in empowering individuals. As business guru Marcus Buckingham tells us, you cannot hope to achieve remarkable results in your life by working on your perceived weaknesses. Instead, take a hard look at your unique, special strengths, and start thinking about how you can deliver those to the world.
10. Never give up and be flexible – This is a two-parter, but really is part of the same concept, that of continuously reaching for your goal no matter what obstacles you are faced with. The reason for the flexibility part is that you should never blindly push on, taking no note of the feedback you are receiving from your actions. Choose instead to roll with and learn from the results you achieve, thus cultivating the ability to alter course as necessary as you learn and grow. Whether this means altering your goals as you come to know yourself better, or simply applying newly learned techniques or skills, the bottom line is still to NEVER GIVE UP. We all know this, we’ve all heard it, yet statistics show that most people do not attempt something even once, let alone the several or may times necessary to achieve something of value. History and legend are rife with stories about people who stopped unknowingly just steps/days/inches from their dream…so take this lesson to heart and keep on keeping on!

Tags: success achievement persistence goals focus law of attraction personal development